Threepio and R2 – The Shocking Truth!

Found this screencap on FBTB this morning promoting the latest Clone Wars episode…

A Jedi Might Not Know Love; But a Droid...

…yeah, I’m just going to leave this here for now.

Bitch, Whine, Roar: Terra Nova Foibles

A little more Terra Nova analysis, then I promise I’ll simmer down.

While Terra Nova was a lot of fun, there were some…ahem…inconsistencies that were peppered throughout. It would be a dereliction of my duty as a Nerd Blogger if I didn’t take an accounting of them.

In no particular order, here are some of the larger plot holes/head scratchers from the Pilot:

• Military vehicles meant to withstand charging 2-ton carnivores look like bolted-together monstrosities from Mad Max: Road Warrior. But homesteads sport stainless steel kitchens that gleam like Cretaceous IKEA porn. Apparently the home decorating budget is higher than defense.
• In the future, everyone sports an iPhone-like device practically welded to their wrist; but in the past no one has one or complains about the lack of connectivity. Because having a local network where people could instantly communicate with each other wouldn’t be useful in a hostile environment…at all.
• Josh loves his girlfriend. He will break the laws of physics and bend the time stream to be with her again. Until someone pretty shows up.
• Taylor won’t hire anyone as Security until he’s spent a languid afternoon of binocular stalking: watching them scale fences and whip off their shirts.
• Medical personnel aren’t briefed on inventive usage of local flora and fauna and, instead, are expected to rip off things they find on patients without any idea what it’s doing or why it’s there; or even if removing it will do more harm than good.
• Security doesn’t know how to use guns. Not against people. Not against dinosaurs (who are apparently made of Kevlar). Seriously, all you need are red and blue lasers and the firefights would have all the tension of a G.I. Joe cartoon.
• Tesha is able to get free and wander off slowly to find help after being mauled by a ravenous carnivore. Because animals often expend energy on hunting prey just to let it go. They’re assholes that way.

LOST in Terra Nova

IMA GONNA EATCHOO!

Watching TV the other night, a commercial for Terra Nova came on. After watching 30 seconds of dinosaurs, Sci-Fi soldiers, future dystopias, and quantum shifting, I turned to Noelle and said “I’m obligated by Geek Law to watch this, aren’t I?”

Terra Nova hits all the right buttons and is veritable nerd catnip. The pilot was strong and worth the two hours of your time (even if the family dynamic bits are a bit overwrought). If you haven’t watched it…well, Geek Law. You are in violation. Rectify before proceeding or face Resolution.

Make This: Cold (-Brewed) (Coffee) Mountain

A lapsed reformed coffee addict, I got my caffeinated groove back about a year ago when I won a French Press and a bag of fresh beans in an office raffle (Best. Prize. Ever.). Once I discovered the wonders of French Press coffee, I could never go back to drip brewed, that bitter bile squeezed from the teats of the Old Nameless Ones. And while I still feed the jittery monkey with the occasional shot of Starbucks Via; it continues to beat the Keurig one-cup brewer in the Break Room. These were my coffee staples. They were inviolate.

Until…

Talkin’ ‘Bout a Robopocalution

Finished Robopocalypse a few nights back and wanted to give a quick a dirty review of it.

Meh.

Now I know that Wilson’s book has become a bit of a geek darling in the past few months since Spielberg was attached to the movie rights and I’m sure it will make a fine summer potboiler: lots of carnage, technophobic menace, plenty of off-the-rack characters (Sensitive Army Guy! Stoic Little Girl! Wily Construction Worker! Reformed Evil Senator! Slacker Who Rises to Occasion!). But as a stand-alone novel, it left me cold (get it, cause robots are cold! HA! HA-HA! Oh, whatever, just click the jump already).

Mental Gymnastics: One Foot In Front of the Other

At some point one mile became just another number.

There was a time when “One Mile” seemed like an insurmountable distance. I remember the first time you dragged me out to the beach. Sand so white that I couldn’t look at it without sunglasses, the constant drone of the ocean colliding with the shore, humidity that seemingly trapped the heat of the 99 degree day in a close envelope around my skin. This was far from the machine-cooled dark that I required to survive in Florida.

“It’s hot.” I whined the obvious, hoping that my tone would alert you to the deep wrongness of the entire situation.

“I know! Isn’t it wonderful?” My cave-like existence wasn’t easy on you, as evidenced by the mounds of sweatshirts and sweatpants that currently littered our living room and bedroom.

“No, I don’t think you understand.” I pushed my sunglasses emphatically up the bridge of my nose, fighting the sweat threatening to pull them from my face “Me and the sun have a deal. I don’t go out in it and it doesn’t try to kill me.”

You crinkled your nose in my direction and smiled. Practically spinning, Wonder Woman-style, you stripped down to flimsy shorts and a sports bra, pulling your hair into a very functional ponytail. “Try to keep up.”

How About a Nice Game of Chess?

If you recognize the reference for the title, you owe it yourself to put down whatever book you’re reading right now and pick up Ready Player One. It’s not just a love letter to the 80s, it’s a elaborate dinner date in Paris followed by a big, sloppy kiss.

Seriously, I haven’t enjoyed a book this much all year. I devoured it in three sittings and came away completely satisfied. Easily my favorite read in the past 12 months.

Current Reads: Zombies vs 80s Pop Culture

My brother and his wife were kind enough to bestow upon me the gift of undeath on the occasion of the anniversary of my birth. Mira Grant’s Deadline is the latest book in the Newsflesh trilogy and it delivered. I was concerned that the loss of (SPOILER) Georgia in Book 1 would kill momentum; but Grant figured out an even better way to retain her pocket narrator, while at the same time giving us the continuing story from Shaun’s point of view. In classic Second Book in the Trilogy fashion, things aren’t wrapped up neatly (or at all); in fact I arrived at what felt like the resolution of the Book 2 plot only to realize I had approximately 100 pages of narrative left. Things…don’t get better. Oh, and make sure you read the teaser chapter at the end of the book for one of the best sucker-punch bombshells I’ve seen delivered in a long time.

Ready Player One by Ernest Cline is a very different animal. It makes no bones about the origins of its dystopia. You can almost hear Cline posit at the beginning of each chapter: “I like [insert 80s popular culture reference here]. Can I make a chapter out of that?” You would think this would grow tiresome; in fact there have been several chapters so far that have made my inner nerd cringe a bit at the sheer depth and breadth of geekery on display. BUT. I keep reading. In fact I kept reading last night until my book light burnt out. Ready Player One is a big, fat, Doritos-infused love letter to geek culture. While the premise is just barely this side of plausible (and in parts reminiscent of Dan Simmon’s Flashback), if you’re a pop-culture addict like myself, and you still remember when Pac-Man wasn’t “cute” but “cool,” then you owe it to yourself to pick up a copy.

I Wonder if the MPG Accounts for Towing?

I’m here to clean some…files?